Amid rising smoke that Apple has its own take on the automobile in the works, The Onion has covered the rumor in typical The Onion fashion with the above mockup and the following features:

Windshield features four times as many pixels as reality

Full vertical integration with Apple Gasoline

Driver prompted to sign into iCloud before each gear shift

Compatible with most major roads

Recommends new driving speeds based on user’s past favorites

Sleek, unobtrusive airbags

Cup holder

Windshield cracks easily, though car typically still works fine afterward

Sticker price of $85,000 drops to $199 with two-year Verizon contract

Wheels turn into rainbow pinwheels whenever car stalls

Lightweight but powerful enough to careen across six lanes of traffic and through guardrails of overpass

Comes with couple of cool Apple stickers

Pretty excited about the Apple stickers finally coming to cars, but I’m skeptical about the cup holder until at least generation three. You can read the whole piece at The Onion.

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