Some entertainment as we enter the work week:
Microsoft is once again attempting to mimic Apple’s incredible retail success this year by opening many new Microsoft Stores worldwide. The stores received some negative attention for a their brushed metal and glass aesthetic that resembles Apple’s iconic retail locations, but TeamCoco recently broke down some things we can expect that are uniquely Microsoft:
1. Hipsters Will Never Be Camped Outside
Even the night before a major Microsoft launch, the entrance to each Microsoft Store will be free and clear of adoring masses of technologically-savvy consumers who respect and demand quality.
2. The Store Randomly Shuts Down Once You Step Inside
Don’t be surprised if while browsing the aisles of the Microsoft Store, the lights shut down, plunging the entire business into inky darkness. An eerie silence will descend, but whatever you do, don’t panic. Everything will reboot in ten minutes.
3. For A Fee, You Can Buy An Anti-Virus Hazmat Suit Before Entering
It’s not mandatory, but just highly recommended that you slip into a pressurized rubber suit that will protect you from the various viruses found in The Microsoft Store. If you don’t bother to purchase virus protection, you could catch a nasty stomach flu or tongue warts or rabies.
4. It’s Easy To Get All Your Windows Phone Questions Answered
You’ll have to wait a long time at the Apple Store if you need your iPhone fixed. But what if you have a question about your Windows Phone? At The Microsoft Store, a chirpy, eager customer service representative will be happy to answer all of your questions, because he or she does nothing all day but stand around, staring at stacks of lonely merchandise and talking to imaginary hordes of customers buying Windows Phones.